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<\/a>Life is full of changes: some too hot, some too cold, some just right. The Goldilocks zone of being just right is where you want to be, but more often than not, like picking your parents, hard to accomplish. Plans emanating from separation and divorce should not be handcuffs, albeit, many feel the obligations for payments, which are just that, financial payments. If they are \u2018court ordered\u2019, well, you\u2019re outside the Goldilocks zone, and unfortunately traditional divorce attracts court orders. A mediated divorce can be more flexible while still leaving the party in greatest need with a leveraging stick if need be. I am not advocating delinquency, but if you both start with a cooperative approach you can better handle inevitable changes in circumstance. And often times it\u2019s the one in greatest financial need that requires the flexibility.<\/p>\nAnother big change can be re-marriage or \u2018re-partnering\u2019 as I have heard it described. One of the divorcing couples entering a new relationship can send ripples, even waves, across what were reasonably calm waters. The kids too can find themselves rising and falling with the waves. One of the things we caution couples in the midst of the process, is to avoid new relationships and if they are already in one, to keep it more or less to themselves. But once the dust has settled, hearts expand and that leads to dancing and \u2026well you get the picture. And why not? Love makes us happy. In fact, when I have a couple going through the process, I can usually tell which of two have someone else already in their life \u2013 they usually smile more \u2013 and I know that at least one of these folks is, if not really happy, at least sort of happy, and will therefore be a little more focused on getting the work done. I do feel sorry for the lonely one though \u2013 dejected, perhaps feeling still in love with their departing spouse, wondering if the pain will ever go away. There really isn\u2019t a plan that can address re-partnering unless it\u2019s tied to spousal support. For example, they might agree that spousal support ends if the recipient remarries but that\u2019s more to do with financial issues than Parenting. One couple agreed not to introduce a new partner to the kids for at least a year, but outside of that, when your ex finds someone, and especially if it involves your kids in any way, you\u2019ll have to adjust your thinking. The wise one on the mountain says you need to be happy for him\/her. That little broken hearted egomaniac on your shoulder will suggest other actions.<\/p>\n
The main take-home message about divorce related plans, be they Parenting or otherwise, is: it can cut both ways. An old professional mediator in the investment business told me that he thought a good deal was when neither side was thrilled with the terms. Maybe a bit too dreary but something to keep in mind when dealing with family.<\/p>\n
Originally published by Fairway Divorce Solutions<\/a>.<\/p>\n